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Rewind Post – 08/16/12 – Lady and Cheesus

There are times, usually after she takes her night time med, and is in the funny, hazy land of almost asleep, that Faith has moments.

Moments of extreme clarity. Moments where she shares with us a glimpse of a child that seems locked inside. Sometimes she talks about her feelings, sometimes about things that have happened, and sometimes she just talks.

We have learned to not intrude on her talking by digging too deep or by asking too hard of questions. We have learned the right blend of “Uh huh..” and “Go on..” that keeps this precious 5 to 10 minutes flowing.

Some nights our brief encounter with her clarity leaves me laughing, some nights it leaves me in tears.

Some nights it leaves me stunned.

I was unsure about sharing the encounter we had a couple of nights ago.

But I think I should.

First thing you should know is that we do not attend church right now. Nor have we since Faith was about 2. Church, God, it is not something that we talk about in our home. We DO talk of love, and tolerance and respect. I’m not writing this to debate religion, or to debate anything. But I am writing this to share what a beautiful, amazing, developmentally disabled 9 year old told me. Since she did not really engage me in this conversation, I will tell it as she did….as a story.

Mommy, when I was a tiny baby, tinyer than tiny, I lived with that lady. And she and him, Cheesus, they loved me. The lady, she was my mommy before you were my mommy. I wasn’t sad that you weren’t my mommy though because I didn’t know you were my mommy yet. I could run with my other mommy and her and Cheesus loved me. Then they left me. I was so sad they left me and I cried and cried and cried. But they said I had to go to my new mommy and that my new mommy would love me just as much. But I was sad. Then I was a tiny baby in your belly and you loved me. But I will get to see my other mommy soon. And I won’t be sad because she loves me. And you and daddy love me!

I didn’t know what to say during this, so I just kept saying “Uh huh…” and I held her.

She fell asleep.

I laid next to her for a few hours.


Rewind Post – 07/02/11 – Not Quite The Same

When I was growing up, the 4th of July was the holiday. We had BBQ’s, friends, family, pools, drinking adults, unsupervised kids, the lake, and fireworks. Oh the fireworks! The bigger, louder, brighter the better! We lived near a Native American Reservation. Do you know what that meant? Not only did we have fireworks, but we had illegal fireworks and lots of them. None of that “Safe and Sane” crap for our Fourth. We had the kind of fireworks that could blow your hand off. If by some chance we ran out of fireworks, we made our own out of gunpowder and aluminum foil. What? You mean you didn’t? I couldn’t wait to recreate these fun times with my own family.

(Hmmm, now that I’m looking back on this, maybe all that wasn’t such a great idea)

Fast forward 30 years and I am now a mommy to a special needs child. She does not like any bright lights or loud noises. Crowds and “different” foods are triggers of a meltdown. She doesn’t even like being outside for very long. The last time we celebrated the 4th of July was right after she was born, before her aversion to all the above became so apparent.

Our current celebration consists of BBQing at home and sending the older children to various places where they have a chance of seeing fireworks. We try to put Faith to bed early before the loudest BOOM‘s start so she does not get overwhelmed. Then hubby and I sit on our porch and hope for glimpses of other families fireworks.

How have your holiday celebrations changed from what you remember as a child? Any holiday at all. What do you do differently?


Rewind Post – 06/11/11 – Reward If Found

There has been a feeling creeping in on me for a few weeks now. It has been coming closer and closer. Until this morning I didn’t have the exact word for the feeling. 

I feel lost. 

Not in a “Where did my GPS lead me this time” way. (Mine has a sexy Australian voice. I tend to just listen to him talk, not actually pay attention to where he is leading me…but I digress)

In a “Where is Allison” kind of way. 

I have spent so much time over the last 19 years being what I thought everyone else wanted and needed me to be that I have lost sight of what I want to be. Of who I am. 

A mom? Well yes, I am a mom. I enjoy being a mother most of the time. But that is part of who I am, not who I am. 

A wife? Well yes, I am a wife. I have a wonderful husband who is my partner in most every sense of the word. But that is part of who I am, not who I am. 

A daughter? Well yes, I am a daughter. I have parents, step parents, in-law parents. I am certainly a daughter to many. But that is part of who I am, not who I am. 

A sister? Cook? Housekeeper? Friend? Blogger? Tweet-a-holic? Teacher? Unemployed? Tired? Lupus patient? Failed gardener? Reader?

I have lost me. If asked to define who I am, I would only have a blank stare to offer as my answer. 

If you find me, please leave a comment. Possible reward.

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Rewind Post – 06/10/11 -Stokke Tripp Trapp

It’s hard to be little. The world is geared for grown ups, not little ones. Their legs are too short, their arms are too short. It’s just plain frustrating. Times that should be fun, such as meals or coloring at the table, can be hard on them. Too big for a high chair, too small for a normal dining room seat, tired of sitting on phone books to reach.

Enter the Tripp Trapp.

In an amazing invention, that has remained unchanged since 1972, Tripp Trapp changed the mealtime game. This chair grows with your child. And when I say that, I mean it. The Tripp Trapp chair can take your child from birth (with the new optional Newborn Set) through infant (with the optional Infant Set) straight through the college years and beyond. The Stokke Tripp Trapp is built to last as long as it will fit. It is made from solid wood, in a rainbow of colors and wood stains.

No more struggling to reach the table, no wobbling on top of stacked books, no dangling feet. (Did YOU ever have to sit on top of telephone books as a kid? Or was that just my family?)

Both the seat and foot rest of this chair are adjustable for the perfect fit for YOUR child. Long legs and a short torso? Done. Short legs and a long torso? Done. The Stokke Tripp Trapp has the ability to fit any child, at all ages.

What really makes this chair stand out to me, is it’s ability to support all children, even those with special needs. The incredible versatility means that little tired or restless legs have a place to be secure. Children who have a hard time in a regular chair due to low tone issues will find the curve of the back a place to be supported. If more support is needed, the Stokke Tripp Trapp also comes with straps for more security. This chair is perfect for therapy time or ABA. Having one chair that can adjust to various heights needed for different therapies can help provide a sense of security for children as well. It’s always nice to have something familiar when working hard on new tasks.

I would just like to add….wow, that chair is comfy! (Yes, I sit in it also!)

Our Tripp Trapp is blue



Really not sure what to say about this carrier besides, it is a must for moms and dads.

When Faith was tiny, I had so many concerns about her development, both physical and social.  She has multiple physical and mental disabilities, has hemiplegic cerebral palsy, and although we didn’t know it at that time, she also has autism. She would often suffer apnea episodes (stopping breathing) and seemed very removed from her environment. One of the things that both Jimmy and I felt was imperative, was keeping her involved in the world. The thought of her hanging out in a stroller being pushed ahead of me at knee level was not ok with me. Nor was her spending time hanging out in her car seat, away from touch and stimulation. She needed the extra protection, touch and movement that a front pack carrier provided.

For us, the Baby Bjorn carrier was perfect! She was safe, secure and I could feel her breathing. She was kept at just about eye level. As we engaged people around us, so did she. Walking down Rainbow Row, shopping in the mall, running through airports, riding the ferry. We used our carrier almost daily for just about 3 years. It was incredibly comfortable for both Jimmy and I to wear, and it adjusted size in a flash. The fabric held up beautifully to literally years of wear.

When I look back at Faith’s babyhood, I truly feel that this was one of the best purchases we made.


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Rewind Posts

I’ve received a few nudges lately to get this blog back up and running. I hear you!

As I mentioned in the previous post, this site was hacked and many of my pervious posts were deleted. I think I would like to repost some of those as a way to reintroduce me, my family, and my blog.

I’m going to call them Rewind Posts. I will post in chronological order to keep things easy to read. If the original post contained a giveaway, sponsored content, or affiliate links, they will be edited down to my own words.

What do you think? Let’s do it!


Hey there

Yeah, I know. It’s been a while.

I’m not sure if I will be able to explain in a way that makes sense to anyone besides me, but I’ll try.

About 12 years ago I started to blog as a way for me to chronicle my feelings and keep far flung family in the loop of my day to day life. Jimmy was deployed about half the year on a submarine, so my little blog was also a way for him to quickly catch up on things when he surfaced and joined us landlubbers again.

My blog was little and it was not fancy to look at. Sometimes my pictures loaded sideways. But that little corner of the web contained my heart.

Time moved on, and my blog started to get a little following. People liked me, they really liked me! I met bloggy friends! I even started to go to bloggy things to talk to people about how to make my blog better! I listened and started to grow my blogs audience. I still wrote about what mattered to my heart, but I also started to write about other things. Things that had keywords to bring page views. With all those new awesome page views came new words like – compensation, sponsored, PR contacts, and ads.

I started needing a dedicated calendar to keep track of what posts were due on what day. I was having to look for babysitting so I could complete the things needed for the posts. There wasn’t much headspace left for me to write what was in my heart.

Then came the Cool Whip post. That effing Cool Whip post was the start of my wake up. My blog was no longer mine. I had sold my little corner of the web that had held my heart for a post about Cool Whip that earned me couple hundred dollars.

(I’m not going to link to that post. It’s buried somewhere in here and you are welcome to find it, but eff that post.)

At that moment I started to hate my own blog. It wasn’t a respite, it was work. I dreaded the deadlines. I hated embedding keywords. There was no longer room for my heart.

Then one day my blog was hacked. Everything was messed up and a lot was deleted. There was my escape. I didn’t fix it. I left Mommy Rambles in disarray and I didn’t care.

It’s taken me several years but today I opened Word Press and didn’t feel dread. I even felt a tiny spark of inspiration to write this.

So there’s that. It’s a start, right?

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Trotting along

Harlem Globetrotters visit Hershey, PA

Someone had a blast last night!

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Three things I am happy about today:

1. I have consistently worked out for the past two weeks.
2. I realized I’m not quite as scared of the crazy freeways around here as I used to be. And…
3. I finally found a good radio station.


Yes, I will

I’ll take the dream I had last night,
And put it in my freezer,
So someday long and far away,
When I’m an old grey greezer,
I’ll take it out and thaw it out,
This lovely dream I’ve frozen,
And boil it up and sit me down
And dip my old cold toes in.


~Shel Silverstein, “Frozen Dream,”