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Hey there

Yeah, I know. It’s been a while.

I’m not sure if I will be able to explain in a way that makes sense to anyone besides me, but I’ll try.

About 12 years ago I started to blog as a way for me to chronicle my feelings and keep far flung family in the loop of my day to day life. Jimmy was deployed about half the year on a submarine, so my little blog was also a way for him to quickly catch up on things when he surfaced and joined us landlubbers again.

My blog was little and it was not fancy to look at. Sometimes my pictures loaded sideways. But that little corner of the web contained my heart.

Time moved on, and my blog started to get a little following. People liked me, they really liked me! I met bloggy friends! I even started to go to bloggy things to talk to people about how to make my blog better! I listened and started to grow my blogs audience. I still wrote about what mattered to my heart, but I also started to write about other things. Things that had keywords to bring page views. With all those new awesome page views came new words like – compensation, sponsored, PR contacts, and ads.

I started needing a dedicated calendar to keep track of what posts were due on what day. I was having to look for babysitting so I could complete the things needed for the posts. There wasn’t much headspace left for me to write what was in my heart.

Then came the Cool Whip post. That effing Cool Whip post was the start of my wake up. My blog was no longer mine. I had sold my little corner of the web that had held my heart for a post about Cool Whip that earned me couple hundred dollars.

(I’m not going to link to that post. It’s buried somewhere in here and you are welcome to find it, but eff that post.)

At that moment I started to hate my own blog. It wasn’t a respite, it was work. I dreaded the deadlines. I hated embedding keywords. There was no longer room for my heart.

Then one day my blog was hacked. Everything was messed up and a lot was deleted. There was my escape. I didn’t fix it. I left Mommy Rambles in disarray and I didn’t care.

It’s taken me several years but today I opened Word Press and didn’t feel dread. I even felt a tiny spark of inspiration to write this.

So there’s that. It’s a start, right?

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Trotting along

Harlem Globetrotters visit Hershey, PA

Someone had a blast last night!

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Friday

Three things I am happy about today:

1. I have consistently worked out for the past two weeks.
2. I realized I’m not quite as scared of the crazy freeways around here as I used to be. And…
3. I finally found a good radio station.

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Yes, I will

I’ll take the dream I had last night,
And put it in my freezer,
So someday long and far away,
When I’m an old grey greezer,
I’ll take it out and thaw it out,
This lovely dream I’ve frozen,
And boil it up and sit me down
And dip my old cold toes in.

 

~Shel Silverstein, “Frozen Dream,”

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Bread! Milk!

Since moving to the northeast, I have learned of an activity that seems to be commonplace. A storm is forecasted, people rush to the grocery store.

Buy all the bread!

Buy all the milk!

Since this is my new hometown, and goodness knows I am trying to find my groove again, as soon as a storm was forecasted, I went to the store.

Why is that blog post worthy?

Because I challenged myself to smile, nod and/or say good morning to every single person I passed.

And I did.

I also learned from those I smiled at:

Smaller grapes are sweeter, the garlic in the produce section is over priced compared to the condiment aisle, there is a massive run on Pringles every time there is storm – but only at our store, there is a great butcher just up the road, and where to get the freshest milk and eggs.

Why do we not talk to or even smile at those we pass more often?

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Get your groove on

It has come to my attention that some of y’all are worried about me.

I love that my friends care enough to check in on me when I have been a bit too quiet.

You guys are awesome!

The move has been rough on all of us, especially since it’s winter. Honestly, it just seems like there is waaaaaaay too much that needs done and not enough “me” to do it. We’ve been in the house 2 months and I’m still not done unpacking! I try to tackle one box a day, but I think they are reproducing at night. ;) I am taking things slow, perhaps much slower than I need to.

My lupus has been under control for a few months now and I am scared of throwing myself into a flare. Even on days when I think I could possibly unpack another box, I am stopping myself.

We are in a new place, trying to settle in and I NEED to stay healthy.

My new doctor asked me if I was depressed. I had to really think about it, but the answer was no. I just need to find my groove again.

And I will.

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Blah, blah, blah

I have not been posting often because I don’t really have much to say.

Sorry.

Hopefully I will find my groove again.

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Noted

Note to self: If you have a child who flips out when something is different, do not put the blue tabs in the potty. Especially after the child has gone to sleep. Because when that child soaks her bed at 3am, and you take her into the bathroom to clean up, all hell will break lose. Related: more coffee please.

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