Guess what I have?

The past year has taken a lot out of me. Time that I will never get back. My health has suffered. The stress has taken a toll on me and my family.

If a few parents could find the truth about Animals For Autism in a couple of Google searches, there is no way that Pepsi and Global Giving did not also find it. They have been given information since August. To know that a person is lying, and those lies are being upheld by 2 huge companies, backed by money and lawyers, destroys something. I don’t want to call it “innocence” but I can’t think of a better word right now. Until last year I believed that people were good. That people worked for truth. That honesty would always win. That as long as I told the truth, I would be heard.

I was wrong.

Right now, I feel like my innocence has been taken from me. My health has been taken from me. My money has been taken from me. My belief in the good of large companies has been taken from me. My belief that when a scam is revealed, that it will be stopped, has been taken from me. A year of my life has been taken from me.

But…guess what I have?

I have my integrity. I have my clear conscience. I have the knowledge that when I saw a wrong, I tried to make it right. I do not have to go back and erase things or cover up things, because when you tell the truth, it stands for itself.

And no, I will not sit down and shut up.

Lost – Possible Reward

There has been a feeling creeping in on me for a few weeks now. It has been coming closer and closer. Until this morning I didn’t have the exact wording for the feeling.

I feel lost.

Not in a “Where did my GPS lead me this time?” way. (Mine has a sexy Australian voice. I tend to just listen to him talk, not actually pay attention to where he is leading me…but I digress)

In a “Where is Allison?” kind of way.

I have spent so much time over the last 20 years being what I thought everyone else wanted and needed me to be that I have lost sight of what I want to be. Of who I am.

A mom? Well yes, I am a mom. I enjoy being a mother most of the time. But that is part of who I am, not who I am.

A wife? Well yes, I am a wife. I have a wonderful husband who is my partner in almost every sense of the word. But that is part of who I am, not who I am.

A daughter? Well yes, I am a daughter. I have parents, step parents, in-law parents. I am certainly a daughter to many. But that is part of who I am, not who I am.

A sister? Aunt? Cook? Housekeeper? Friend? Blogger? Tweet-a-holic? Teacher? Tired? Lupus patient? Failed gardener? Reader?

I have lost me. If asked to define who I am, I would only have a blank stare to offer as my answer.

If you find me, please leave a comment. Possible reward.

A 2nd look at Lupus from #Clever2ndMD #spon

Thank you to 2nd.MD for providing me with a $200 stipend to test-drive this revolutionary online medical service.

It’s no secret to my readers that I have Lupus.

Lupus is bullshit. In a normal body, the immune system is an amazing machine. It identifies bad stuff (virus, infection…) and attacks it.

Bing. Bang. Pow. Done.

In a person with Lupus, the immune system thinks it’s own body is the bad stuff. The immune system launches an attack on the offender. It’s self. And it sucks. Sometimes it attacks the skin, sometimes the kidneys, sometimes even the brain.

My Lupus, that I have nicknamed “stupid lupus” or SL for short, thought it would be awesome to go after my brain a couple years ago. Whoa nelly, that was some fun.

Seriously, that was a bad time. Luckily I have a really great, traditional doctor that has been on this SL road with me for the last 4 years. He recognized what was going on and quickly sent me off to UW for several other consults with the top docs in the area. They all worked together and halted the damage SL (or in this case Central Nervous System Stupid Lupus) was doing to my brain.

Unfortunately, they way they stopped the attack on my brain was by using a super-strong, ninja-kick-your-butt immunosupessant. Immunosupressants work just like they sound they would. They suppress your immune system. Which is awesome if your immune system is busy kicking the crap out of your brain. Not so awesome in day to day life when surrounded by sneezing kids and coughing adults. The immunosuppressant I am currently on also has the side effect of making me feel like I am always sick to my tummy. Not cool.

I love my doc, I really do, but he is very traditional. He sticks with what he has worked with for a long time and feels comfortable with. It is also somewhat awkward to bring up different therapies with him. I have been on my ninja-kicking immunosuppressants for 2 years. And at times I wonder if I am always so sick because of them. I am ready to try something new, but I wanted to have more information before broaching the subject with my current doctor.

When given the opportunity to try 2ndMD, I jumped at it.

The concept is simple. Video appointments with top doctors around the country. No referrals, no traveling, no long waits. Log on. Make an appointment, see your doctor!

Check out this video: Peace of Mind – http://vimeo.com/24934042

I made my account, logged on and looked at the available specialists for Lupus.

After reading the extensive bios for each doc, I chose Dr. Chaudhary. Making my appointment was simple. I chose the times that would work for ME, then I received an email letting me know which of MY available times would also work for the doctor. Talk about convenience!

I logged in to the virtual waiting room on the day of my appointment and at 2pm right on the dot, Dr. Chaudhary appeared on my screen.

I was having a virtual doctor appointment! Dr. Chaudhary asked several questions and listened to each of my concerns. He was calm, patient and explained several complimentary therapies I could try. He even suggested an antiacid taken with my ninja-kick med. Simple. He brought up a couple supplements I had not thought to try. He asked about diet, about my sun exposure (a no-no for lupus) and exercise. He also discussed a couple other ninja-kick medications that would have the immunosupressant power but might be easier on my tummy. The entire conversation was calm and low key. I felt very comfortable with the process.

I logged out of the 2nd.md website after the appointment and almost immediately received an email notification that Dr. Chaudhary had posted a note.

After my appointment on 2nd.md, I have several new ideas and options that I will be bringing up with my regular doctor at our next appointment.

My appointment had a fee of $120. That seems like a lot until I really thought about it. We live in a somewhat rural area. Most specialists are in Seattle and a trip over to see the specialists = all day trip. Here is a breakdown: Gas $15.00, ferry fee to and from Seattle $25.00, lunch $25.00, babysitter since I won’t be back to meet the bus $15.00, co-pay of $30.00. That’s $110 and a whole day wasted!

I would not hesitate to contact 2nd MD in the future for a specialist consult.

My John Hancock

Thank you again to 2nd.MD for sponsoring this blog post. Please click here to learn more about 2nd.MD. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions are my own. #Clever2ndMD #spon

(Lack of) Popsicles cause Lupus

Last night was a lesson in selective hearing. At least I think it was. I may not have heard that right.

Faith was very needy yesterday. She wanted, no, make that she needed me right beside her all day. Between the meltdowns and the “hold me”s, I was mentally worn out. When she fell asleep all I could feel was a pounding in my head and a ringing in my ears.

Did I mention my CellCept dosage was increased. Again? It makes me feel really yucky.

Bzzzzzz. Thud. Bzzzzz. Thud.

That was about it.

Hubby had been waiting pretty patiently for Faith to go to sleep so we could have grown up conversation. You know, the kind that doesn’t involve Dora or Scooby-Doo. Unless you are into that kinda thing. MommyRambles is not here to judge.

Anywho, I walked into the kitchen where hubby was eating a banana popsicle. I must have made a disgusted face because he informed me “Banana popsicles are good!”

“No, they are not, they are yucky. I have never liked banana popsicles. They make me gag.”

“Have you ever really tried one? You didn’t eat banana popsicles as a kid?

(at this point the thump in my head and the buzzing noise started up again. I know he kept talking, and it might have even been important, but I didn’t hear it. Fade back in…)

“….and I’m pretty sure that was what caused….”

(Fade back out)

Buzzzz. Thump. Buzz. Thump.

(Fade back in)

“….Lupus. I’m sorry you are feeling so sick.”

Due to the selective hearing my overworked ears were implementing and the pounding in my head from the CellCept, what I got out of that whole conversation was:

Failure to eat banana popsicles as a child causes Lupus.

There you have it.

Please tell me that I’m not the only one whose selective hearing has led to some pretty interesting realizations.