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Thoughts on special toys?

Faith receives (or should I say I receive) 40 hours a month of respite care through the Navy. Hubby is active duty and this is one of the newer programs designed to keep me from going bonkers. Our 40 hours are split over 2 caregivers, each coming into our home once a week. Faith genuinely loves both her caregivers and this is a sanity saver for me. Ok, now you have a bit of background. On to the actual issue.

One of Faith’s caregivers has games and toys that she brings with her on her day. She brings her “special” toys to play with the children she cares for. It is a neat routine and gives Faith something special to look forward to. Faith does understand that these games and toys are only for use during the time that the caregiver is here and that they leave with the caregiver. Mostly. Except….

One game. Oh Faith loves it. She talks about, she cries for it. When the caregiver leaves, Faith melts down because she wants it. I mean really melts down. Hitting, kicking, biting, inconsolable melting down. Sometimes it goes on for almost an hour. During that hour I am physically holding Faith to keep her from hurting herself and me.

In other words, in exchange for my couple hours of respite care, I end up with both of us exhausted and emotional messes.

Not cool.

I know what you are thinking….why not just buy her the gosh darn game?

Our caregiver has asked us to not purchase duplicates of “her” games. I get where she is coming from. This is her bag of tricks that help keep the kids entertained while she is here. It’s special and kids look forward to it, and their time with her because they get to play with the items. If parents buy the same items, they lose the magic. They become part of every day life and are no longer special.


I am going nuts here.

Would you buy the game? Just this one game?

Please weigh in!

{ 12 comments… add one }
  • Melanie C June 13, 2011, 11:45 am

    I would buy the game. It’s not worth the meltdown to me.

  • pandamanda9 June 13, 2011, 11:47 am

    I suggest talking with the care giver and telling her this and telling her you are going to buy the game and ask she not bring it anymore but suggest bringing another one because Chicky loves it so much! And its such a big deal over this one game.

  • Cristi June 13, 2011, 11:54 am

    If the caregiver does not want you to buy the game, I’d request that she not bring it anymore knowing that it will cause such a meltdown.

  • To the Nth June 13, 2011, 12:06 pm

    I’d buy the game. You are the one who deals with the resulting meltdowns. This caregiver works for you, not the other way around; it completely defeats the purpose of respite care if you and Chicky are both left more exhausted than before. It is not your job to give the caregiver a respite.

    • Jennifer Perryman June 13, 2011, 3:42 pm

      Since this is exactly what I was going to say, I’ll just leave my “yes, this.”

  • sara_aka_dory June 13, 2011, 12:07 pm

    Talk to your caregiver and try to reach a compromise. She’ll ‘allow’ you purchase the toy, and you offer something exchange. Or perhaps she not bring that toy, and find something different, or suggest a similar game for you.

  • Delana Spears June 13, 2011, 12:12 pm

    I would speak with the caregiver and inform her you will be buying the game because of the meltdowns. It is unfair to all involved to have something so “special” become traumatic everytime she leaves.

  • Amy June 13, 2011, 5:54 pm

    First response is buy the game, and caregiver can leave their’s at home, but if it becomes an everyday game wont Faith just transfer her obsession to a different game?

  • veronica lee June 15, 2011, 2:08 am

    Hi! Stopping by from MBC! Great blog!

    Have a nice day!

  • minivangirl June 15, 2011, 8:17 am

    Update – we have bought the game and will be giving it to her for her birthday on Friday. We are making it a special occasion gift so she hopefully won’t expect to get any of our caregivers other games….at least until her next birthday! 😉

  • Elyse June 15, 2011, 8:43 am

    Personally, I would get the game to stop the fits and episodes after the respite person leaves. I get that you can’t cave each time she doesn’t get her way but you have to pick your battles. Since this is such a huge down fall, I would get the game.

  • Cynthia June 16, 2011, 9:50 am

    Buy the game, the caregiver has no idea what you live with and if the game helps, so be it. You don’t need the caregiver’s permission to do what is right for your child and yourself.

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