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Coulda, woulda, shoulda…

I have regrets.

Huge, glaring, haunt my heart regrets.

Things that when I look back on, I wish I would have done differently.

I coulda….woulda….shoulda.

They are the thoughts that sometimes keep me company at night when I can’t sleep.

Well, that and the cat. She keeps me company also.

Oh, and the rain.

Do you believe in destiny? The thought that from the moment you are born, you have a path. And try as you might to veer left or right, your path is where you will go.

Do you believe that our life (lives?) are a circle, to be repeated over and over again…….and we are presented with the same opportunities until we chose the proper path?

(Random factoid…..there was a Merle Streep movie about this subject called Defending Your Life.)

At night, when my company is Suzy’s purr and tap-tap of rain on the windows, I wonder.

I wonder if my destiny was to be Faith’s mom. To watch over her.

Maybe my path was to be the guardian of her path.

{ 2 comments… add one }
  • Wife of a Sailor June 5, 2012, 7:42 am

    I think your life is more than being just Faith’s guardian to her path of life… but it IS one of the purposes of your life. God has woven so many purposes throughout our lives that we can’t even fathom.

    Each person you encounter is a person that you may have touched in some small way… a way that has guided their own path. Imagine how many people you’ve encountered in a lifetime! Imagine how many paths you’ve helped guide! THAT is your destiny. Along with everything else you accomplish in this life.

  • Shanon June 5, 2012, 5:01 pm

    I think if that is your destiny you have a far better and more important destiny than many people.

    I also think that that is only one path that you follow and one impact you make. Just with your children alone you have guided the paths of each of them! Never mind the amazing things you have done for J, and for everyone else you have encountered.

    That being said, leading Faith through life is a pretty kick ass destiny because she is one awesome, inspiring chica! 🙂

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