There has been a feeling creeping in on me for a few weeks now. It has been coming closer and closer. Until this morning I didn’t have the exact word for the feeling.
I feel lost.
Not in a “Where did my GPS lead me this time” way. (Mine has a sexy Australian voice. I tend to just listen to him talk, not actually pay attention to where he is leading me…but I digress)
In a “Where is Allison” kind of way.
I have spent so much time over the last 19 years being what I thought everyone else wanted and needed me to be that I have lost sight of what I want to be. Of who I am.
A mom? Well yes, I am a mom. I enjoy being a mother most of the time. But that is part of who I am, not who I am.
A wife? Well yes, I am a wife. I have a wonderful husband who is my partner in most every sense of the word. But that is part of who I am, not who I am.
A daughter? Well yes, I am a daughter. I have parents, step parents, in-law parents. I am certainly a daughter to many. But that is part of who I am, not who I am.
A sister? Cook? Housekeeper? Friend? Blogger? Tweet-a-holic? Teacher? Unemployed? Tired? Lupus patient? Failed gardener? Reader?
I have lost me. If asked to define who I am, I would only have a blank stare to offer as my answer.
If you find me, please leave a comment. Possible reward.