There are times, usually after she takes her night time med, and is in the funny, hazy land of almost asleep, that Faith has moments.
Moments of extreme clarity. Moments where she shares with us a glimpse of a child that seems locked inside. Sometimes she talks about her feelings, sometimes about things that have happened, and sometimes she just talks.
We have learned to not intrude on her talking by digging too deep or by asking too hard of questions. We have learned the right blend of “Uh huh..” and “Go on..” that keeps this precious 5 to 10 minutes flowing.
Some nights our brief encounter with her clarity leaves me laughing, some nights it leaves me in tears.
Some nights it leaves me stunned.
I was unsure about sharing the encounter we had a couple of nights ago.
But I think I should.
First thing you should know is that we do not attend church right now. Nor have we since Faith was about 2. Church, God, it is not something that we talk about in our home. We DO talk of love, and tolerance and respect. I’m not writing this to debate religion, or to debate anything. But I am writing this to share what a beautiful, amazing, developmentally disabled 9 year old told me. Since she did not really engage me in this conversation, I will tell it as she did….as a story.
Mommy, when I was a tiny baby, tinyer than tiny, I lived with that lady. And she and him, Cheesus, they loved me. The lady, she was my mommy before you were my mommy. I wasn’t sad that you weren’t my mommy though because I didn’t know you were my mommy yet. I could run with my other mommy and her and Cheesus loved me. Then they left me. I was so sad they left me and I cried and cried and cried. But they said I had to go to my new mommy and that my new mommy would love me just as much. But I was sad. Then I was a tiny baby in your belly and you loved me. But I will get to see my other mommy soon. And I won’t be sad because she loves me. And you and daddy love me!
I didn’t know what to say during this, so I just kept saying “Uh huh…” and I held her.
She fell asleep.
I laid next to her for a few hours.